I sat down to start my blog entry for this week and I before I could even pull up a word document to start my rough draft, I heard it. “Moooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm, Settie’s foot is on my back… Moooommmm, she is looking at my Leappad… my stomach is growling I think I neeeeddd a peanut butter and jelly sandwhiiiccchhh” My son Ari has got on this mind numbing whining kick and I want to grab him by the shoulders and say “Yo, I don’t know where the fuck you got this whining shit from but fucking stttooopppppp.” It’s a mix up between a cry and just making every other word stupidly long. I’ve sent him to his room, I’ve made him lay down, I’ve told him to stop whining, but I don’t think he get it. Scratch that, I KNOW he doesn’t get it.

But as started to type I thought that wait he’s four.  He usually sounds like he’s still figuring out his constants, ( I lubbe you, I have a peenus, can we go to the pruhlease touch museum…) maybe he is just trying to figure out his emotions and how to express his feelings through intonations. Yeah that doesn’t make it less annoying. But it did renew my patience. I mean at this point am I aggravated that he’s so called whining, that he’s talking a mile a minute, or he’s repeating the same shit over and over (Bro, do have amnesia?!). Who knows! I don’t even know am I’m the one aggravated.

I think it also might seem worse because we are all sick right now and everyone is cranky. I’ve been sick since right before the New Year’s and as a mother’s work is never done, I’ve been running around while still trying to recover and the kids are miserable tagging along. They can’t bang out errands when they are recovering from a cold, and today was an awful reminder.

I went to the post office today and to keep the kids in line, I gave Auset a bookbag to be the bookbag holder and Ari the envelope to be the mail hander. Well he wanted the bookbaggggggg. He kept trying to slide his arm in the bookbag while it was still on Auset (like why, clearly someone is in the space you are trying to occupy). Then Auset would cry out distress. I would tell him to stop and he would frown and walk off and try in one minute. I told him he could have the bookbag once mommy made it to the counter. He wasn’t down with that timeframe. And because he wasn’t feeling that, he didn’t want to stand with us. Trying to walk with a two-year-old with an adult mini backpack to the counter, and make sure that Ari who is refusing to join us is within sight had me about to lose my shit. Then the postal lady had more questions than I expected, Auset wanted the bookbag off, Ari was trying to snatch the bookbag “mooooommmmm” … I wrapped that business up quickly pulled Ari aside and informed him “Hey because you’re being grumpy, and rude you can’t even hold the bag now.  And if you had a better attitude things might have worked out better for you.” Ari quickly dried his eyes, smiled (yes smiled) and said; “I’m better.” I smiled back but in my mind, I’m like “Why the fuck did you do all of that then you little psycho?!” But then I thought, standing in a post office line is boring as fuck. Our day started off early, he might be hungry. He and Auset always want what the other has, today isn’t the exception. It’s ok for him to be frustrated.  He never got that bookbag though.

Around noon, I tried to put him down for a nap when his whining with the ridiculous drawing out of sentences got worse. I took him about three hours to fall asleep and by that point I was trying to keep him up. When he slept – Oh my goodness, it was magical. I cooked, I cleaned, I listened to music. Auset didn’t want to talk to me while Ari was sleep and that was a plus, so jokes on her.  Then Ari woke up and then the whining started double time started. But it was about random shit. Isn’t it always though? The highlight of the whining happened when Ari asked me about 15 questions and the last one was “Are you my friend?” And because I have a preteen, my autopilot answer was “I’m your mom first not your friend.” And then that led into a big problem with his missing best friend Joo Won.  (Side bar: Joo Won is a 3-year-old that Ari met in his YMCA class for one class session in Spring of 2016. He hasn’t stopped talking about Joo Won as his bestie and he comes up in multiple stories. You’ve been warned.) “Fine you aren’t my frriiiiennd, I don’t need you I have Joo Won! Can you help me find him?! Akila gets annoyed that it’s going on a year that Ari still calls Joo Won his best friend even though it’s almost a year that they’ve seen each other. I think it’s hilarious and cute. It shows loyalty and a long term memory function.

And so, Ari and Auset whined about dinner, about reading time, about the Leappad, about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I have to say, Ari is the winner tonight by far. He went upstairs and whined because he felt it was time for bed. And I was still downstairs. Auset miraculously, gave Ari little competition…But then I started to wonder, is Auset sick? I mean she did whine but was it enough? Did she whine an average amount? I don’t know because I was so preoccupied with trying not to scream at Ari that I couldn’t tell you.

By the end of me typing up this post Ari was huffing in my ear because I for some reason need to go to bed when he is tired, Auset has fell asleep, on her own without the need to breastfeed to sleep. And I’m feeling slightly, slightly guilty for getting so aggravated at him doing stuff that a sick, irritable 4-year-old would do. Or even just a 4-year-old.  Now I don’t how I feel about him whining, or if I even want to call it whining…. I think I’ve been had. This is what parenting does to me. It makes me question my own aggravation and reality.