People have been asking me “hey where have you been these past few weeks?” Bruh, the camp game this year was vicious. My daughter’s camp moved to a college campus in the city that was further from me and my sons camp was out in the suburbs in the opposite direction. There were days I would wind up driving 50/60 miles and I would just be traversing the city. Between pick up and drop off from camps, then you have errands, appointments and extracurricular activities…. My Google timeline map looked like someone just scribbled all over it.


That being said, our family beach trip was something I was looking forward to. Building sand hills on the beach, laughing and frolicking in the water, family meals sharing stories, laughing some more, staying up late, I imagined a few days away from home, before the wave of hustle and bustle, back to school and after school activities started, filled with days of fun, laughing and family bonding.

I had a feeling it might not go that way when it was night before leaving and my husband hadn’t packed yet.  “What time are we leaving tomorrow” he grumpily asked at 10pm. “Well I wanted to leave at 8 am but as you aren’t even packed I’m guessing no.” He looked at me like I had said the most ridiculous shit. “We never leave that early.” Well duh we don’t but A) he ALWAYS packs at the last minute, someone ALWAYS realizes that something that was imperative for the trip goes missing and there is an impromptu run to Target or Walmart, and B) whatever time I usually say I want to leave by, we leave an hour behind. I know this but if I say a later time, obvi that time would then be pushed back to a time that I’d probably have a meltdown for. After a few minutes of banter, we settled for 10 am (which is realistically 1130).

The day leaving started early enough as I woke up at 7 am but I quickly realized that in the 6 loads of laundry I did yesterday with Akila, Ari’s swim trunks were MIA. After tearing the house apart and putting it back together, I dashed to Target to grab a new pair of trunks. I picked a store that was being remodeled and based on my luck they had shit. I had to grab two trunks that both had the possibility of not fitting and then dashed back home. I get back before 10am and the husband was still packing. *eye roll* I make all the car snacks, do hair and make sure everyone is dressed. 90% of my and the kids bags were already in the van ready to go well before 10-1030. Blah, blah, blah, we leave around 11:30 anyway. Because we can’t, we just can’t. I worry for us when we have to take a flight. I’m going to tell them the flight leaves 4 hours before it does.

I drive to the beach because, I know if I drive, I’m doing everything I can to get us down there in a reasonable time. Ray drives like “it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey”.  Which is fine coming back from vacationing, but going to vacation, we have a destination and we need to get there. And we get there around 1pm.  After checking in we hit the beach. Ari and Auset are beaming from ear running and playing. Akila for some insane pre-teen reason refused to take off her sweatshirt and tights and Rayvonn was as per usual stony faced. But I wouldn’t let the two older grumps fuck this trip up. And after a while Akila had her sweatshirt off and was running with the rest of us and the husband was reading on his phone lounging in a chair.

Slightly exhausted I took a seat and watched the kids run around, laugh and play in the sand, then Auset sauntered back up to where we are sitting. It looked like sand got trapped in her back of her bathing suit like always so I looked at her and laugh and say “Hey lady it looks like you have poop in your bathing suit” She gave me a side eye but didn’t  react. And in that moment, I knew. I knew she shat her pants. Back story- Auset has been pooping in the potty for over 6 months now, and while she is still a bit lazy with the pee, she has legit not pooped in a pull-up or underwear for at least six months. For this beach trip, the Target didn’t have little swimmers underwear, I forgot there was some in the basement and I figured that I would just run her to the bathroom to pee every 90 mins that we were on the beach. I never thought she would shit he pants.


I reached over to confirm my suspicions and sure enough there was shit AND sand in her bathing suit. “Eww, that looks like shit”- Ray says from his far view. Akila ran over to check on the situation with Ari. “What’s going on? Ewww, so what are you going to do mom? Does she have another bathing suit?” While Akila is rapid firing questions, I picked Auset up, wrapped her in a towel threw her over my shoulder and trudged back to the hotel, thanking my lucky stars our hotel was right behind us.

When get back to the room I take a moment and try to figure out the best way to de-shit Auset and her bathing suit. It involved tissues, wipes, the tub, toilet and sink. It was an expansive effort. At one point, I got poo on my fingers and I thought Why?!Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

After handwashing Auset’s shitty bathing suit and trudging back to the beach, we had some good ole family beach time, and over the next few days we slowly got into family hangout mode. We found out that receding waves throw off Auset’s equilibrium and hilarity ensued, Ari hid in a turtle sculpture that someone made on the beach and I almost lost my mind thinking he was lost, All the kids got buried from the waist up, we had to give Akila Stat Benadryl and put her on Claritin because surprise! Beaches make her breakout, our most expensive sit-down meal of was actually our nastiest, Akila and I ditched the rest of the fam to play a few rounds of laser tag, Ray talked to strangers like he usually does and we got some cool family pics together. And while our family beach trip was not the family fun utopia I pictured, it was awesome, I had fun, and I can’t wait to plan the next one!Arilostinturtle.jpg

….But for now I have to get ready for back to school and after school activities mode- something I’m not necessarily looking forward to.

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